Yes, last post I left with...

Now am back, however am not going to continue with the story.
Totally like whats the point?

Just wanted to inform you guys, thanks for reading all my nothing but emotional lousy posts... mainly sad stuff. In real life, I am not that a sad person... but still this is a channel for me to share and let it all out.

I shifted.. now in wordpress.
heckcare.wordpress.com

Welcome to read there.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts all this while.

I was thinking so much after EAT. PRAY. LOVE.
I do not have appetite, I hardly pray and I cant love.

Everyone has their rights to do anything.
So I decided to post my message for you, if you read it.. okayy, if not its fine.

I looked back all the time we had, we fought and we say so much about our relationship. Now you had moved on. And deep down, there is still like 90% hurt 10% happy for you. Its not that I am petty or narrow minded. But sometimes I just wonder why and how it ended in a jiffy when I always thought the relationship is okay? I have not come to terms, and that is what I am required to do.

I asked myself, how can you transfer your love for someone to another in such a short while? And why cant I do the same?

Even we are not talking, anyone who saw you with him, comes and tell me. How I hope I do not know anything, cuz eveytime a SMS pops up with your info, it breaks me and throw me back to square 1. How is it possible to move on? And yes, I been telling myself to be happy for you. Since I wanted that to come true, and you will be definitely.

I looked back and looked back all the time we spend, all the things I know about you, from habits to preferencs, all those are suppose to be chested up and hide in some untouchable place. Love is funny, its not about how much you tried to be a person you are not, but its how much is worth to make the relationship worked. Well, it all seems a wrong way now.

I shunned town or anything to do with town so I wont bump into you, cuz when I bumped into you, I would like to smile and be okay to what I see. And now, I am not ready, I wonder how will I ever be ready. Yes, it takes time, but how did you do it?

In the past, sharing of daily routines seems so meaningful, now daily life is a bore. So whats next really? Another relationship, sleep around with boys? Its just so... immature now. I wonder if you think of me, do you miss me the same way as before? Relook into all the foolish things I had done on you for you? Well I did, well its memories with tears but it soon should be memories with smiles, it better be. I dreamt of you daily, I think of you in the mornings and in the nights. Yups, hair drops.

I kept asking myself, its time to let it go but at theback of my head, I also kept asking myself, will you come back again (since it was a norm before)? I guess this time you will not. Just got this feeling inside me, which I had to kick it.

Damn... TBC.. gotta run.
If you read this... yups.. its for pleasure reading, not meant for anything to happen thereafter. Will continue to write more thoughts that are meant for u.

蝴蝶眨几次眼睛 才学会飞行
夜空灑满了星星 但几颗会落地
我飞行 但你坠落之际
很靠近 还听见呼吸
对不起 我却没捉紧你
你不知道我为什麽离开你 我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨 碎了满地 在心里清晰
你不知道我为什麽狠下心 盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多的是 你不知道的事
蝴蝶眨几次眼睛 才学会飞行
夜空灑满了星星 但几颗会落地
我飞行 但你坠落之际
很靠近 还听见呼吸
对不起 我却没捉紧你
你不知道我为什麽离开你 我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨 碎了满地 在心里清晰
你不知道我为什麽狠下心 盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多的是 你不知道的事
我飞行 但你坠落之际
你不知道我为什麽离开你 我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨 碎了满地 在心里清晰
你不知道我为什麽狠下心 盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多的是 你不知道的事

Life is simple.

I made a decision for that, most important thing, to let it come to an end.
Reasons for me to do so:
- you had told me you are happy, not happy happy but happy.
- you enjoy the attention others gave you
- you are enjoying yourself with the boys
- you say, they wanted a kiss you will give him/them
- you say you have rights on what you choose to tell me, even I asked, it all depends on what you feel I should know
- you say you miss those times we had, but you never said you miss me
- you left and you wanted me to chase you back

Now I say,
- Since you are happy, I no longer want to be a reason to prevent that from happening
- I know I am not special like the others, so go on with no hesitation
- This tells me you are not ready for anything that I can give, and its not the first time this happened.
- You told me you wont be happy if I slept with anyone, so its okay for me that you kiss anyone/everyone?
- If this is your concept treatment to a guy you love. Seriously, grow up.
- Memories just cuts like a knife, but its not me you missed its the times. Worry not, its all in your mind now.
- The reasons you left are all due to my flaws, even if I did chase you back with everything I have, you can never accept who I am.

To conclude, you never love me... you just love the way I love you.
You can stop raising your voice at me when you are agitated, when you are stress, or whenever you are.
Till the day it end, I never felt a single bit of respect you have on me.

Be considerate in future.
Spare in a thought in others shoes.
If I am the reason that causes you to become who you are today, I wished we never met.
This time, I failed.
Not Anymore.

Lyrics Jar Of Hearts
by Christina Perri

No I can’t take one more step towards you
Cause all that’s waiting is regret
And don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear your asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are
And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I would have missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now your back
You don’t get to get me back
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all
Who do you think you are
Who do you think you are
Who do you think you are

Thanks for all the well wishes and effort to click and type.
As seriously, I am too lazy to consolidate my thoughts then click here and type...

After so long not writing in here, its kinda weird that once again I am talking to myself.
What should I say?

I love American Idol Season 9? They are really great.. but who is really interested?
Life goes on...

30th Birthday was a smash, I mean the party that I was saying.
Thanks to those who turned up, it should be around 80+ people.
All I did was shake hands,and I had touched many hands of men.. bimbotically speaking, I know how big they are if hands do equate to their assets.. :X

The actual day (the party was belated... ermm.. organise by frds) I was enjoying the moments of peace with beer, chicken wings, fried oysters by the beach.. with our dog. Its so smooth, and reminds me of my old times when I first met him. Well things are never going to be the same... but the beach always feel the same with the breeze sweeping through your face.

There are moments that you do not need to say a thing, at the beach its those kind of moments where someone is there and thats all. That is what a party is all about, to me.. its all in the head. Bliss of no returns.

At 30.. how does it feel, its a number afterall.
I look back and see what and how I have grown all these years.. the people I met the people I had been with.
And for myself, I do not have any direction in the years to come.
I hate having no plans, life is unpredictable but plans can be made, the exciting part is to change these plans, arrange and rearrange to meet and stir your way. Someone do not get it... its the process of planning that makes life more endurable.

Thanks for everything to whomever it is.

The rush to complete what you did not plan to do hits you so badly before you turning 30.
Soon its mine.

Attended a 30th bday and it was an atas event where its a free flow of champagne throughout the night. A night with around 20 people, young and old. Both comes with status and position in the society, rich and the richer. Why does gay men turn out to be rich, be it rich in assets or rich in cash.

So, my turn is coming soon and a big party is in the planning.
I do not know if it will be a hit, and how effective the marketing and invitation will be like.
Can sense that it will be an exciting event... not my birthday, but the party. The angle of this party is for networking, to see and be seen. It will be a invitational event and if this is successful, a pte house party like this one will be held quarterly.

We do not need birthdays and occasions to organise parties for get together.
We wear life when it can, enjoy while it lasts.

Invites will be extended to my friends and they are allowed to bring 5 or more guests.
No cover charge, just BYOD (bring your own drink) and BYOF (bring your own friends).
Everything else will be provided for, except for transport.
Bags deposit will be available.

We are making a run of Plays, Taboo, Tantric, DYMK, Zirca and ButterFactory a run of their money.
A travelling pte house party for PLUs...
Let see how cohesive and fun loving "our kind" will be

Details will be release on Feb 6th, one month for the big excitement burst.

There are simply too many things happening, too little time to even share.
So cut it short, be the bitch and here are the main points

I stopped dreaming of getting a car, with that money I set a target to save my first 10k this year!!
Wish me luck.

I really cant stand local company, but that doesnt mean I am leaving. But if there is better offer, I will say BYE.

This year's 30th Birthday, targetted invitees will be 100. Friends of mine, will be invited, turn up or not up to you. But... think about all the cuties you can befriend in this social whoring event.

Designed the first tee base on a request by a close friend. OH YA.. its heckcare tee design.
With specific instructions, the design came out.



For more details read heckcare.wordpress.com (dont be lazy and complain why no hyper link, just copy and paste)

This year, I cant think of any new resolutions, its like forcing myself to come up with resolutions,

Boring..

Is my life already complete? Good enough, and what can make me happier, I do not even know.
Perhaps this year, I will not have my big bash of being 30. Honestly, whats there to celebrate when you are getting older every year. Its not as if age comes with wisdom. Its just another avenue to spend money, and have a reason for a get together session for everyone.

Parties are best when everyone enjoys themselves. Who cares about the reason? Who cares how old the birthday boy is? After that day, life still is as it is.

Do I need a car, or I want a car.
A car is someone set aside $ to pay out every month and it tells others that you can afford it. The more expensive the car is the bigger the ego. So really whats the point and who am I suppose to prove to?

The rest of the things in life, I have them all. From cameras to the best phones, hence my resolutions perhaps is to save like a certain amount of $? Will that be logical?
Aiya, whatever it is, everyone just wanted to be happy. Thats all it matters.

My aim is to take life easy, I shall not push/force and make my life difficult.
Life is important as we age, time is running short.

If this job pays you bad, find a better one, open to options - and accept the worlds rotation of things

If your BF/GF do not appreciate you, let it go and dont waste time. Love can be build again.

If you family do not understand you, move out and be independent, the world is out there.

If friends betray you, so be it, there are better people out there to be nice to.

If you spouse cheated on you, come to an agreement, cheat together or move away. Separation and life lessons make one stronger.