It was a plan that I had never expect to turn out so well among friends.
I am glad everyone enjoyed themselves.

The plan was to throw a surprise party in a hotel suite with drag queen performance. A birthday cake and wines with friends and pressies just for him. It all went well except the candles on the cake was overwhelming, that freak almost everyone out.

The game plan was,
I was to have dinner with him at New Majestic.
I got my friends, Randy and Marc to invite him to their hotel stay in 1929.
I ordered a set menu to delay the time for all guests to arrive in the hotel, give time for drags to prep up.
After dinner, my queue is to call marc and say we are coming.
They will light the cake and wait for us to reach the door.
Once the door open, friends will pull the poppers I provided, and the drag will take the lead to sing the bday song.
This was the surprise and its superbly well carried out.
Drags are funny, even one had a fall while dancing, nonetheless it was graciously pulled over.

BUT before all these, I surprised Joe at his place with his present [SETBACK: the watch I gave do not work!!!] so that he wont be suspecting any surprise on his actual day, which is last Friday. Well, I called him like many times there was no answer.. hence I was outside his house and his sister came home. Geez, its a awkward moment. But his sister played along and gave him a surprise by passing his gift to him. But its kinda weird, din I just picha his lobang in front of his family?? Sigh. Already done, I cant say anything much at that moment but wish that nothing worse comes out from it.

Back to the actual Friday, thanks to Marc and Matt who checked in in noon during my lunchtime [I purposely continue to work and he is on leave] to help do up the rooms with balloons, fetching the cake and collecting the wines.

I was really fierce to them [Marc and Matt] and they referred themselves as Slaves. My apologies, cuz all i wanted is a smooth surprise. No failure is needed.

And so it was a success.
Thanks to all those that turned up, and kharma to those who miss it [even with ONE month's notice, and ONE week before reminder!!]
Chou Chuen,
Emmanuel and Chris,
Marc and Randy,
Matt and Vinz,
Jeremy and Jack,
Eric, Ernest, Marc,
Ken and friend,
Terence and Jason,
Jason,
Daniel,
Ryan and Darryl, and lastly
Justin

Justin helped me to mix, serve and make sure everyone has a cake and a drink on their hands.
What will I do without you?
Thanks a million.

Its a long weekend, and a boring one.
Even I am packed with activities, I do not feel the excitement.
Is it age, and does age makes you sleep leser, I guess it does. I am tired but I am not sleepy.

Is there an anxiety when you are turning 30, like a life in the 20s is ending in a jiffy and nothing was done that is worthwhile.

So I thought back, what are my achievements when I am in my 20s?
I guess I had won the Gold Promax Asia Award 09 for Best Collateral, but I aint excited or happy about it. Promax is an award dedicating to the best in broadcast industry, where all TV stations submit their collaterals and items for a competition. Last few years, I was trying so hard and submit all my works for this annual event. I won nothing.

And after I decided to leave TV, my high end premium won GOLD. How contradictory, when you try so hard, you get nothing. When you do things effortlessly, you got everything. So whats the point of trying so hard? The harder you try the harder you fall.

Everyone 'laugh' at me when I told them I change so many jobs this year. No one understands, and yes, why would I need them to understand? Likewise, in my co. HR came to me and tell me, now I am working with the big bosses, and no one has a chance/choice, I should embrace the opportunity. If I do not do well such as say the right thing at the right time, show my presence and my contribution, I will be thrown into the 'cold chamber' and my career is gone. I dislike politics and thats why I left the previous job. The world is cruel, doing ur job well is never good enough. You must out do your job, and show others what you can, honestly, I am disgusted, cuz why would I bother how people think of me?

In the end, these mental stress makes me worry IF I should get close to colleagues (cuz hearsay from HR that people in the company view me as relax) or should I maintain a wall of suitable height and be apart from the norm. I do not want to be the example of power hungry, the higher I go the lonelier it gets.

Life is tough.
I am not special, and I just want to be happy.
Why cant people see that life is short and what matters is in the time right now. Make the best out of now, if not you never know when it is going to end.

My dad says "Work hard when young, enjoy life later."
I replied "I wanna enjoy life NOW, cuz I am only young once."

Everyone advises, Life is short and we need to carpe diem and enjoy life to the max.
Then I asked, why weekends are that short, why is it just 2 days out of the 7 days?

If work got spilled over to Sat, where is the weekend that we have to catch up with social life and life itself? I heard that in US, some companies extended work hours from Mon - Thurs, so that Friday is an weekend. Is it a worthy trade?

Every weekend I had been busy, with personal work, with the so call life. But it isnt that great, you know, that sorta feeling when you had a great weekend. Is it cuz there is no good food? No good reason? I realise I do not know what constitute to a great weekend.

Weekends are too precious to go to waste.
And there are so many things I wanted to do, like gaming, like exercising, like really watch a mov marathon, etc. <-- This is still not a great weekend.

Singapore is boring.
Repetition of things to do. I hope I have a big grp of friends that we are so bonded that we can do many things such as, paintball, beach volley, lan gaming, etc.

Sigh, what do I really need?

So most of you guys knew about the job change.
Current, I am doing something that I like, been wanting this for a long time, and its kinda tedious. The laze in me is preventing me to work so hard. But then again, I am new and stayed to work till 12am the other day. Unbelievable.

Sad thing is the next day the work I done was not used for any presentation.
Well, looking on the bright side, its good training in regional understanding. But hey, its hard work okay.

Yea given that I always have issues with money.
Honestly, I am not well to do, but I will be when I am 40. How funny, I looked into all the savings plan I bought, and found out that I will be rich at a later stage in life. So now, I just have to suffer.

In 2009, I accomplished all the things I set out to do during the NY.
So I started compiling what will be the next big things in life. 30 next year.

Thinking over it, I got what I wanted
A job that I like, which pays me okay - good enough for me.
Have a dog which I wanted since school days - where my mum is finally accepting him
Have almost everything that a person will have. Camera, iphone, and all those materialistic items - but not a car, which probably its a target next year.
Goig to launch my business in Nov.
Design specialised original tees for people around me - so they know how special they are.

So what would make life a fuller picture? Getting married? nahhhhh...
I watched 500 days of summer and realised in fact, FATE is something none can control. I knew his existence and about him since age 17? Then he was 17 too. But we get to meet near 4 years ago. So.. its funny and we are together now. That night I was tell him, in this r/s there should be a direction where it should head, so from bfs and whats the next stage? Marriage. I went on and say if ONE day i got down on my knees, what will he do?

He says, he will walk away.
He do not like things he do not know, he wants to be in the know. Rightttt.. how to let him in the know when I propose? It all a feeling of how right it is. But as of now.. nahhhh.
I used to believe how romantic it is... now... nope, its not about romance, security and what not. Its about all the shit that you are ready to accept. Geez.. Did I grown more realistic? Sometimes I lost the self where I believe in simplistic happiness is attainable no matter who you are, what you do, with what you have.

So Q3 in a wrap,
my sorrows still continue, but amidst all those chasing and hamstering around, Life is still beautiful.

I used to fantasize my very own complete wedding event. Having the ability to make the beautiful bride has her most wonderful moment or evening in her life. Currently i m sitting in a wedding dinner wondering if back in 2001, i did not make that decision to cross over to the other side of the fence, where will i be now?

Will i be happily married with kids, will i be still commited in a straight relationship or will i stray when i m in one?

All these thoughts where i once commited in my straight relationship and planned for our wedding. Suddenly it came back to me due to the drama i watched, i was once like the male lead where i m devoted and changed myself to sit what she will be happy to experience.

But now, i do not need to worry about how much the rings are, how to propose to be original.
Its all a matter of business when it comes to wedding. The novelty comes in how each other will have to go through just to ensure happiness and commitment. Then again, it is still something i would love to go through by proposing to my loved one, even he do not believe in marriages and weddings.

I do not know if its the atmosphere or the climate, suddenly it seems everyone is upset and lost their directions. Personally, there are so many things happening in life that if I were to focus on each every one issue that I faced, I will be bonkers.

Lets break it down,

I got a new job, I am on break and going Cambodia to see Angkor Wat end of this month. But honestly, I do not have enough money to tide me through to the next pay day which is beginning of the next next month. I have my bills and also bills of not mine to pay.

I see friends of mine have the freedom to exercise their power of savings in one way or another. One campmate says, it is sad that if one person who worked for more than 5 years cant even forked out a few thousands during emergency or to pamper himself. Ya, I agree thats sad, but thats me too. I do not have the freedom or any ability to do all those.

People call it filial piety, others see it as responsibilities, some do not even appreciates it. Money.. its nothing but trouble. I got parents who sees money as the god of all things, and its always about money that we fought. Its bothersome. I cant be rich and I wont through sheer hardwork, or keep switching jobs. I do not have capital to do things I wanted. So honestly I am stuck in a situation that I will just use what I get monthly to maintain. I will not progress even my mind heart and soul yearns for it. They say there is a time for everyone, I say if you are given the freedom to do what you want, you can get what is out there.

I wanted to shift out and throw all these burden away. Come on, be realistic, I am turning 30 and I do not see myself living a life that I wanted. I have the rebellion growing in me to just stand up and walk off. The peer pressure around me is so strong, and it simply feels I am left behind. They say family is the closest thing that you can find when you are in trouble. When I am in trouble, only my grandma (who passed) and myself faced it. I bring myself to hospital in the middle of the night when I suffered severe asthma attacks, severe food poisoning, parents are not even aware. They did not even know. I had my legs op twice and honestly, I did it all by myself, admitting, going home. So I am independent, and I do not feel I owed to anyone but myself.

What about being 9 months in the womb of a mother? I can only say, if anyone who do not want to raise a child do not bring him or her to this world. Cuz all left apart from self attain happiness, there is nothing but sadness and misery.

Hence, I want to break free then suffocating myself in the repeated cycle every month. I am going to stop paying things that I do not need to or use. I want to be selfish for myself ONCE or the many days coming. I have lesser time as days goes by to be alive.

Yea, counting down is a pain in the ass?
You want to get there and look back and marvel at all the things you had done, gone through and see what you had learned, but the time is ticking so slowly that sometimes it hurts. Well under HER, it always hurts.

Anyway, was hit by this crazy gastric flu bug that knoc me out for 4 days mc. Its not even subsiding, its already a week and my tummy is bloated with air, farting and burping is a habitual event now, of course not LOUDLY.

Kuro, my puppy, is growing really fast and big. Now he knows how to do a doggy style on his soft toy by 5 months old. He is also getting rebellious and trying his luck. He kinda dislikes me, so whoever comes visit, the first thing he runs to them and treat them like the owner. Talk about loyalty man...sigh.

Months ago, I applied for this job that markets games, online,console and whatever platform games. They called me for interview and I got to the second round. This time they wanted me to do up a marketing proposal, full spectrum to promote a game I like. Present it in front of a panel... Kinda ridiculous somehow.. I already got a new job, now I am trying to to see my value. But what if they select and offer me a higher paying job? How do I tell the other side? My name will be tarnish... but well, what the heck... who knows what happen next? Have fun and test my skills first. See if I had gone rusty with Marketing while being part of the civil service.

I also started a venture of doing up baby wear, rompers and baby tees. We are already in production and its 100% organic. Its exciting, we are targeting launch in November, so we could hit Christmas purchases. So now, those who do not know what to get for baby showers or your kids/nieces/nephews/friends kids, maybe a romper/tee/pj might come in handy from OGABABY!

More news will pop when everything settles down :)

I quit!
Can see she is elated, like at her back of her brains, she snigger and say.. finally gerald is leaving.
Well here is the conversation for about 5 mins in her room

Here is my letter of resignation

Have you found a job? (she snigger)

Yes, I am going back to media.

Good, over there you can be creative and no need to write so much, not much administration and follow ups. (She always complained that I write horribly, overseas grad cant write and wonder how they passed their papers)

Yes, I guess so.

I see it as you have the right attitude but its a wrong fit altogether.

I agree too.

If the other side requires you to start early, I am okay to let you go.

HR will get in contact with you in regards to my leave and offsetting right?

Thank you.

Ya, thanks.

At the end, she still has to be the ultimate bitch.
So honestly, who fits in her department, no one but herself?
I hope the new place would be better, I came to understand, a boss in fact is very impt, it really determine whether u work hard for the company.

Was watching Shelter this morning from 7am...
I was touched by the show as it say very much about oneself being straight, next moment confuse, then you accept who you really are and grew up, proud and happy.

Relooking into my growing up years, I can literally relate and perhaps now I am happier. Everything is a choice, I found that out when I was 21, and I took the road without regrets.
I never tried entering a pussy but there are no regrets, cuz I believe a man-hole might not differ much.

I never had those sweet savouring love feel like in Shelter, I think back and I have nothing in memory that is sweet. Soon enough you grow up older and it seems so bleak, teenage love is something that one has to experience and remember through your life, and everything else after that is fleeting and skeptical.

All I know, happiness is a choice, and every step I take should make me happy.
I have a boyfriend and through ironing out all the differences, I will be happy.

In no more than 8 months, I am 30.
This period of time had a daunting effect on people going onto the big 3. 30 years in this world... it does make you think what had you accomplish, reassess what are you good at, plan what will be the next step in life.

Its an auto generated feel bank, where in your mind you think over all that had happened in time. So what had you learned? Through the times when one is high energied, fearless and keep on trying new things, 30 is the time where there are no try outs and only successful. If someone is still lost in no directions, that someone should start worrying. I am worried.

Hence, I set out a few months ago to set things right to graciously step over to being 30.
One, I got a dog, which I always wanted since young. I did it before 30. So I got one thing lesser to accomplish at any later time.
Two, I succeeded getting my driving licence and now I can aim for my car, leave that childish IC and use driving licence instead, if anyone checks your ID.
There is no three, the three (if I think of any) have to be done by 8 months time.

In the pipeline, I should be looking at upgrading my home, shift to a bigger place. Perhaps start a business (been saying a million times, did so many things, and still many buts...) Change my job to something I love to do and shine (as I say, no more testing ground). Life is simple.. but seems to me, without aims its hard to live satisfactorily. Everyone wants to be successful, something they can be proud of. Achievements that earn through bare hands are the best and easiest, but be mindful not to be boastful.

30, a change in one number marks a big chance. Should I be throwing a big party with close friends? I am matured, and I see my road from then on, cannot be playful cannot be adhoc cannot be feign bimbotic. It will be an life changing experience.

I got to realize people work in different ways. Today during lunch, I realize my friend who asked me out to lunch in raffles city. It's kinda far but he drove me there. The reason to go that far is because he has to collect some thing. When we arrive, I was asking what is that thing you need to collect?

To my horror, it's his boss' son's shoes. I can never being myself to do such things. I never can suck up to someone who can clearly be able to handle his own private matters. Well my friend commented it's die to all these, the boss will be able to block bombs and big time problems away. If you do not help on his chores, the arrow or bombs will directly fly into your room.

My take? No way.

Ever since Kuro came into my life, my whole life changed.
I wake up at 330 am every day for a week, cuz he wakes up and he will pee n poo. Its like having a child. Puppies is not only about the attention you need to give, but also ensure he dun screw your life.

Its until a friend from USA told me, having a pet is not adjusting your lifestyle to suit your theirs. But making theirs suit and complement your life, okay lets have a give and take. If you do not want poo and pee in your area.. you just have to do what it takes to let things stay that way.

So there is a cane, the fence, and the word "No"
Hence, now he sleeps in the fence up area in my room while I sleep. I wake up before he does and bring him out to pee and poo. Before I step out to work, I will feed him and he will go back to sleep for the whole day.

Now.. there is no pee and poo in my room or my house. Its cultivating the habit. But in a sacrifical manner. I will cut short my outings, dinner with friends and go home to feed my Kuro. I will have to wake up early every other day just to walk him so he can pee and poo.

So my advice is, if you are commitment phobic, "shunner" of responsibility, do not have a dog...

And now, the rest of my life do not seem that impt anymore..
It seems I got a son.

Kuro... it seems like I had a son.
He wakes up 330 am and need my attention, I wake everyday in the wee hours to give him my hand and put on his chest so he can sleep peacefully. He is like a son I will perhaps never have. He is really clever and naughty.. testing patience of everyone in the house.

When I am home.. he pee and poo at the right place I always wanted him to. When I am at work, he pee and poo on my bed, and every corner of my room. Irritating.

Tomorrow, I am going to Q for iphone 3gs... geez, leon says he Qed 7 hours to get the phone.. where he says, its worth the wait.. sigh.. 7 hours... what can you do in a Q.. I guess it will be warm, hungry and dried out on patience.

Good luck tml.

Phhhaaaaaawwwwww.. HK summer sale was totally mind blowing.. shiok till my wallet blown too.
I do not know how to clear the bills frm the cards.. ya not just one CARD. -.-|||
I had been to HK 8 times, and its never enough, there are simply to many more places to see to go to experience. Everytime I thank my friend, my brother or perhaps sister - queen. Also, I always pray he dont come to SG.. cuz it will my turn to play host.. its an endless game of tag.

To my good brother .. or sister :P

To my fave HK milk tea..

The gang that flew with me to HK, it was really a pleasure to know you guys.. some all over again.


Back in SG.. I passed my driving, and I will plan to get a car hmmm...
And I guess Kuro change my luck and life.
Cheers to the most irritating and too clever for his own good puppy~! ~sweat.

Fucking damn good.
Its like cumming for near 3hrs.
Imagine that.

How can that every quarter we have sales exhibitions in either suntec or expo.
The throngs of men.. are limitless.. men men men.. its like a shopping galore.

Not forgetting rich men.. cuz they spend every quarter buying the same thing over and over again. LCD tvs, printers.. and then they are men with trolleys.

Such things never fail to amaze me.
Men, they are getting better at shopping than girls... or are they becoming more girl?

It never felt good to be a burden to anyone, to family, to friends, to colleague..
Most of the time, I feel that I am.. and never felt good about it.

Constant reminder of telling oneself, to be strong, stand on your own feet... soon after, you realise how ugly you became, simply getting stubborn each day, as only your very own thoughts are the very best solution to everything.

The self psycho procedures soon wear out who you really are, you will lost insight, foresight, dreams and interests.

I couldnt recall who I really am.

After so long that I did not blog, I do not know where to start.
Many issues came and go, pester my focus and yes, life still move on.

I got pretty cheese off when my friend, according to the calculated years (not by me), 8 years of friendship. It was literaly put off by money. Well at least the basis is monetary.
Boring, how many times Money is the basis of all movement in life? Oh please, I was asked out, and given a treat. Ang got two presents and its claimed to be under my birthday.

I just simply joked about "so there is a motive of all your doings" after I was told " I have to do something back for the giver's bday". This moment, the relationship of being friends ended.

I did not asked for a free meal, I did not ask for bday gifts. And I wanted the world to know, not everyone earn as much as everyone else. There are reasons why I cant give friends of mine good treats or expensive meals. But I know these people will not understand. The whole friendship was put off.. by "for 8 years, I had been giving you treats and asking you out, but have you done anything of the like? See, somehow such things cant work like that."

I recalled, when you are down, who was there to make you laugh, who was there to advice and walk the tough road. Yes, all these are not money, but hey. Its part of your life. But well I keep it at heart, I do not want to argue, but deep down I say goodbye. I lost a good (thought so) friend.

-

Next was, I had an interview arranged and I was thrilled to get that news.
I went for it by asking for early release (as you know, its tough when the boss do not like you) sidetracked, so many happenings to update about work and I really do not know where to start, back.. so she flew down from HK, regional office to do the interviews. Clearly base on resume, I did not meet her standards, and she insisted to meet, selected me from the pack of resumes send to her via email.

Stylish lady, witty and clever, as least thats what I gathered from our conversation. She frankly told me, I am not shortlisted definitely in the middle of the conversation. It awed me, I tried so hard to leave work.. and meet her, but she clearly knows that my experience is undercut way way too much, and yet she wants to meet me.

All.. bimboly speaking, I felt like an social escort for the short 30 minutes. I should have charged for entertainment fees.

-

This couple of friends has decided to officate their wedding probably next year, with a marker of, when they get their own place. They will get some friends together and officate their marriage. Gay marriage possible? Who cares about law, marriage is about two people and thats it.

I am happy for them. At least they made plans and see the future together. To some, its foolishness, to some its dream comes true. Have you ever asked yourself, where do you see yourself socially in the next 5 - 10 years?

Is life really all about money, success and accomplishments?

-

I realised that to keep people happy, I just have to given what they want. Do what they want me to do. But honestly, what about what I want, and who is gonna give it to me?

Calvin wrote an sms and reminded me my saying in life.

"Good things comes to those who wait, once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale"

Is it worth waiting? Is there anything that is worth enjoying during the process?

Was watching Brothers and Sisters and yes the imminient signs of a break up was unavoidable...

Drama series are written by authors, script writers who pen it down on paper, even though its fiction, these fiction/stories comes from real lives around them, such as friends, families, blogs, whatsoever. Hence these dramas are some sort real even with the slightest facts.

It is true how Kitty and Robert relationship broke down, as Kitty's form of communication is to fight, quarrel, argue.. the weirdest way. And Robert's priorities in life is his career. They got married, adopt a kid and had a wonderful place. But.. he lost kitty. Kitty drifted, cuz she knows, his priority is not a family even when he got it. She do not talk to him, do not communicate, even when Robert speaks to her of such cannot go on. She still doesnt have anything to say to him.

Signs of losing someone appears and only when you know how to read it.
Robert did not know, only after Kitty's siblings told him, when Kitty stop fighting and cant be bothered, it will be too late. Robert has regrets he says

"If only I knew from the first time I met her, I will not lost her"

People regret when its lost, why lose it when it is still around? Set the priorities right, what is the one thing in this world can see you through, is it money? Nope.

I love it when Scottie and Kevin agreed

"We move on, as monogamous, domesticated and married."
Nothing breaks a relationship when both knew whats important in life.